Twisting Fate Page 17

  "What do you think about Bryce? I know you wanted him to have my name, but I think he should have his own name. He's a part of me, but he's also a part of you. One thing we carry throughout life is our name. I want his to be strong, but unique to him. I also want to make you happy. What about Bryce Patrick Abercrombie? We could spell Bryce with a Y instead of an I like your middle name. That way he has a little bit of old, a little bit of new, a little bit of me and a little bit of you." He begins to smile at his little poem and my heart instantly bursts.

  How am I ever going to tell him no when he makes points like these? He lives to please me, but what I love is that he pleases me without always giving me my way like a spoiled brat. He knows how to handle me in a way no one else could. What he chose was absolutely perfect; same middle and last name as well as initials, just a different first name and he even added something to include me.

  I wrap my arms around his neck and lean forward in my chair, resting my forehead against his own. "Well, when you put it like that how can I ever refuse? You always did hold the key to my heart. It's perfect."

  A tear falls down my face, making me feel like a silly girl. Kissing it, he doesn't miss a beat. "What's wrong?"

  "I'm just happy is all; I love you, Brey. I want you forever." He leans back and gets this really cheesy grin on his face.

  "I thought you might feel that way," he teases as he reaches in the pocket of his khaki shorts. I love his lighthearted personality.

  I begin to laugh until he holds out a little black box in the palm of his hand. For a moment I forget how to breathe. "Brey?"

  "Shh. Don't say anything until I'm finished. Kinzleigh, I know that we're young and we have our whole lives ahead of us. I've spent the last several months going back and forth in my head as to whether I should attempt this or not, but my heart won out over my head. I knew your first thought would be that I'm only doing this because of him, but that's the furthest thing from the truth. From the moment I laid eyes on you I knew you were different. You are the gold at the end of my rainbow, the emerald city at the end of the yellow brick road. I've loved you from the moment I saw you on the beach that day and I haven’t stopped since. You are unforgettable, Kinzleigh, my everything. I won't be complete until I have you forever. I'll capture the sun if that's what you want. I just want you. I want our son to always see how much I love you by seeing us together, forever. Marry me, Kinzleigh. Say you'll marry me."

  He opens that small velvet box and nestled inside is the most beautiful diamond ring I've ever seen; also, one I recognize. To wear a ring by this man would be the ultimate honor, the chance of a lifetime. To find your soul mate and to be claimed by him forever is the biggest blessing life has to offer.

  My eyes are so full of tears I can't see anything but a blur. I blink, letting them fall. "Yes. I'll marry you." It may be crazy to get married at eighteen in the current day and age, but a man like him is a rarity in this world. Breyson is a gift that you don't give up, a blessing. When God gives you a soul mate you don't take it for granted, you embrace it whether the timing is when you anticipated or not. "Now, kiss me."

  He's smiling from ear to ear as if I just handed him a million dollar check. "Gladly," he whispers and touches his lips to mine. He doesn't kiss me rushed or greedily, he kisses me slow, cherishing me. I may make a lot of wrong decisions in my lifetime, but this is one that is completely right.

  "Kinzleigh, did you hear what I said?" I'm reminded that it was just a dream at the sound of Breyson's mom's voice. They always are...just dreams. "Are you okay?"

  Am I okay? No, no I'm not. Why didn't I get my happily ever after? What did I do that was so wrong in life causing me to have to be eternally punished; damned for a lifetime? I just want my dream to seep into reality...just once.

  Bryce Patrick Abercrombie. That's your name, baby.

  She continues to point at the narrow area between his legs, revealing the small penis. "Everything looks okay for now, but I want you to rest and take it easy for a while. I'm putting you on bed rest until your body heals. You don't need the extra stress on your body, especially with a trauma. You got lucky, Sweetie. Maybe this is a wake up call that you're the only thing this baby has for protection until he can survive on his own. You need to really think about that."

  I can't take my eyes off the baby on the screen. This is the first time since I found out I was pregnant this baby has become real. He is my life now. He is my son and I'm his mother. The only realm between him and his father is me. I can't let Breyson die. I have to keep his memory alive for Bryce. Whatever I have to do to keep his best interests at heart I'll do, whether I'm happy or not. "Okay," I say and this time I actually mean it whole-heartedly.

  Chapter 13

  Kinzleigh

  I sit here on my bed as I try to go over in my head exactly why I agreed to this. Maybe I should back out. I'm not ready for this. Will I ever be ready for this? It doesn't feel right. Every reason I try to come up with to cancel falls short. A night out of the house would be nice since it'll be the first time after my accident, but it seems like something always happens when I go somewhere. Oh how I long for the days when my life was perfect, to be able to go out and enjoy life freely. I can't go out now without some kind of major drama, or trauma. I have got to have the worst luck out of anyone I know. It can only get better from here, because it can't possibly get any worse.

  I look at my nightstand and reach out to grab my phone when I notice the picture that is sitting there; the same picture I found on Breyson's night stand all those nights ago. I couldn't leave it behind. It was obviously special to him and I wanted to be able to see what he saw each time he went to bed. "This was supposed to be something for us to do together, Brey."

  You’re talking to photos now, Kinzleigh? Yeah, you’re a mental case in the works…

  None of this means anything without him. Everything you're supposed to do in high school only had my interest when I was with Breyson. Without him I don't want any of it, but I promised that I would move on and moving on is what I have to do whether I like it or not. Maybe if I think it enough I'll actually start to believe it.

  My door opens and in walks Adalynn in a button down shirt and shorts. She’s carrying a hanger holding her dress under a plastic sheath in one hand and a tote bag in the opposite. "You look like hell."

  I roll my eyes as she not so kindly states the obvious. The swelling is almost completely subsided and the bruises are faded and discolored, but still present. "You're right. Maybe I should just stay home," I say in a bland tone.

  "Nice try, Sweet cheeks, but you're going to have to do better than that. Luckily for you I've had more modeling calls lately, which means I've learned some fabulous tips from the makeup artists. This one bag holds all of the magic to make that go away." Adalynn always was one to never take no for an answer. Braxton doesn't have a chance.

  I release a noise of frustration as she sets her things on my freshly made bed. The last formal I went to was the New Years Eve ball with Breyson; the night I got pregnant. Now, here I sit, with a basketball size bump of a belly underneath my clothes. "Adalynn, I'm freaking pregnant. Why would anyone want to take me to prom? If it's out of guilt I'm really fine to just stay at home. Something bad always happens when I go out anyway."

  "Stop fishing for compliments. You know you're one of the most beautiful girls I know, pregnant or not. Simon has been drooling over you since you moved here. It has nothing to do with you being pregnant. Besides, the boys will all be with us. We would never let anything happen to you and you have a stunning new dress that deserves a night out on the town."

  Why do I even argue with her?

  "Fine, but I don't see how much fun I could possibly be. Everyone drinks on prom night and I'm stuck being pregnant." Placing my face in her hands, she kisses my forehead like the mother hen that she is.

  "My best friend can't drink I don't drink. You're not alone, Kinzleigh. That's what friends are for, to comfort each other in times of nee
d and be there even when life is not always full of glitter and sparkles. Friends 'til the end, yeah?" I swear she has an old soul. If I wasn't a Christian I would be certain reincarnation was a real thing and that hers came from a wise elderly woman, a philosopher maybe.

  I nod and she turns and walks in the direction of my closet, disappearing inside. I hear hangers scrape against the rod in my closet and then stop. When she walks out she is holding my dress that we bought a couple days ago when mom took us shopping. Mom doesn't let me out of her sight since the car incident. I'm surprised she's even letting me go to prom without volunteering as a chaperone. I can't say that I blame her though. I've put her through hell since Breyson died in my attempt to survive.

  I still haven't gotten any real answers as to what happened the night of the accident. I've gone to the tattoo shop once or twice to talk to Riggan since I don't have his number, but he hasn't been there either time. I'm starting to think he's avoiding me, but I don't know why. He came in to say goodbye after we found out the baby was okay and when he told me goodbye I knew there was a possibility I wouldn't see him again based from the look burned on his face. I wish I knew what was consuming his soul, eating him alive, and staining his conscience.

  I take a deep breath, letting my thoughts run wild. They begin spreading like wildfire. I’m starting to think I was right all along. People do always leave and when you need them the most, especially. The more I think about it the madder I get. I was conned into believing that things could be different for me and they aren't. I was fine with my life, getting by. Sure, maybe I wasn't really living, but at least I wasn't left with a gaping hole in my chest, wasting precious oxygen. Everyone leaves me. Grams left. Breyson left. Macie left. Now Riggan is gone. Why is it the people I need to stick by my side always disappoint me?

  I'm not a violent person. Really, I'm not, but right now I want to hit something. I want to take out my anger on someone. Grams always said when you want to blame someone blame Satan, because the tragedy and pain in the world is almost always at the work of his hands. I hate him! He couldn't stand seeing me happy, so he made it to where we had to part ways. Now, Breyson is watching down on me from above and I have to live out this miserable life alone.

  "Stop doing that."

  "Excuse me," I ask confused.

  "What you're doing in your head right now. I can see it. These emotions aren't part of your nature so they are obvious when present. I don't know what's going on in your head right now, but stop it. Whether it's guilt, regret, hatred, or shame, you're letting yourself lose the battle. Do you want to know what happens when you don't fight to win, Kinzleigh?"

  I don't speak, because what I feel is really no one's damn business. If I want to hate myself then it's my own right. It doesn't matter what way you slice it, Breyson's death is partly my fault. It's my fault he left, it's my fault he got on that plane, and it's my fault I didn't go down in that cursed plane with him. I should have been there with him, fighting for my life beside him, and looking down on our loved ones next to him. Our souls are meant to stay together. They won't survive alone. The worst way to live is to live without your soul, carrying on in the form of a zombie or hollow shell, a carcass.

  "Well, I'm going to tell you whether you want to hear it or not. When you stop fighting and you let the darkness take over, it wins. When it wins there is no coming back. It takes you under, defeats you, and makes you want to stop living. When you start rationalizing that dying is better than living, you make decisions that not only affect you, but the ones left behind that love you. Speaking from someone that knows that kind of pain, I'm telling you to think of everyone else and not just yourself." Did she really just accuse me of attempting or going through with suicide?

  What's scarier than the fact the thoughts have crossed my mind briefly, very briefly, is that she somehow knows and I haven't even mentioned it to anyone. She always knows everything about anything. "What do you mean by speaking from experience?"

  Something about the look on her face tells me I just opened a box that's been locked away for a long time. I don't like that look on her at all. "I had a brother once."

  She pulls the plastic covering off the hanger. "I love this color on you." She removes it from the hanger and looks at me as if I'm missing the elephant in the room. "Well, off with it. At this pace we will miss prom altogether."

  Is she for real right now? How do you just say something like that and then act like you didn't say it at all? Am I just supposed to forget she just said she used to have a brother? As in he's dead, missing, out of pocket, disowned? What does that mean? "Adalynn...what do you mean used to?"

  I tread lightly on my words as they pass across my lips, not knowing how she will react. I study her face for some kind of clue as to what is going on in her head. Her pupils decrease in diameter as her eyelids widen. She is staring off into space as if she is trying to rebury something I just uncovered. Maybe I should have just left it alone. She looks like she could be sick any second.

  She shakes her head as she closes her eyes. "I can't," she whispers and a single tear trickles down her cheek. A few seconds pass and then, just like that, her demeanor changes.

  "Let's get you dressed," she says as she wipes her face and instantly she's back to smiling. There are more layers to Adalynn than I originally thought. It's crazy how so many times we're so absorbed in our own lives that we never stop to think there may be someone else that is battling a war within themselves and trying to stay afloat. Maybe we should look deeper in an effort to try and be there for someone else. I know I've been guilty too many times of only being concerned with myself, and my problems. It's times like these I feel totally selfish.

  "Okay," I say and drop it altogether. Maybe one day she will talk about it, but until then I will just have to wait. The more time that passes I've learned that some things are easier to bury deep than to have to deal with them. The only problem with that is at some point it has to be dealt with or it will consume you. All skeletons are revealed at some point no matter how much you think they're hidden from the world.

  I'm not as open with changing in front of people since my belly started protruding from my waistline. Luckily, I haven't had any stretch marks yet, but always being small and staying fit I'm suddenly a little self-conscious. I stand anyway and nervously remove my camisole.

  As if she can sense my discomfort, her eyes never stray from my face. She helps place the dress over my head and pulls it over my body. My dress is a lavender one shoulder number made of fitted satin over my breasts and flowing A-line in satin with an overlay of chiffon below by breasts to the floor. I bought it in hopes to make me look less pregnant. I haven't been at school for the last two weeks, because I've been ordered to stay in bed; the less stares the better.

  "How are you holding up? I don't get much out of you anymore. You're trying to shut me out, aren't you?" I let the layers of material fall down my body, hitting the floor. She's right. I am shutting her out, unintentionally. My life is mostly a bubble of misery and I hate to be the rain of despair on someone else's happiness. She should get to enjoy being in love and being happy, not deal with sadness and anger all the time. "You're still my best friend, right?"

  I would give anything to go back to the way things were. I miss being happy, I miss my friends, I miss being a kid and enjoying life; the life that Breyson showed me I could have. No matter how much I try, though, I can't go back to that girl. I can't pretend that Breyson wasn't in my life. He was my one, my only. He's the one thing that I want now, but can't have. No other wants will ever top that.

  "Adalynn, you will always be my best friend. I'm just lost right now. I don't know if I will ever be happy again, but I'm trying. Maybe getting out of this school will change things. Maybe I should check into moving in with Presley to get a change of scenery after graduation, or even with Konnor at Alabama. I have a lot to figure out between now and graduation, but I can't be happy surrounded by everything that reminds me of him."

&nbs
p; She says nothing more as she nods and reaches for her makeup bag. I sit on the bed and she begins painting my face in silence, covering each bruise that remains on my face, the reminder that I could've been closer to Breyson right now. My emotions stay in a constant frenzy as of late. One moment I just want to be taken by death so I can be with my love at that very instant, but the next I feel guilty for having that thought because of Bryce. If I die, he dies, and I can't be responsible for his death too.

  Each brush across my face is so light I barely notice that she's even standing in front of me. My eyes are closed and every few seconds I feel a sweep of bristles across my eyelid followed by something cool and wet. The mixture of sensations makes me want to go to sleep. Instead, I let myself reel back to the New Years Eve ball.

  The moment I laid eyes on Breyson at the bottom of those stairs I knew that I would be forever his. He captured my heart and rode away with it, sealing my fate for infinity. I would give anything to be able to look into those blue eyes one more time; to be able to be swept across the dance floor and be claimed by him. He always had a way of making me get lost in time, forgetting that we were in the middle of a crowd of people. Had I known how things were going to turn out I would have cherished every second with him instead of fighting it for so long.

  From my first reaction to him I knew there was something different about him. I hate myself for being a spoiled brat and only thinking of myself. His soul is precious; one to grasp onto and never let go of. His kiss was enough to send me into an emotional high, my nerve endings popping off like fireworks each time he touched me. I want that feeling back. "I miss him, Adalynn." It comes out no louder than a whisper laced with a cry.