Twisting Fate Page 2

  "Yeah I know. Let's go. I have something I need to do." He frees me from his hold and looks down at me like he's about to say something, but I interrupt. "Promise me you won't judge?"

  He looks slightly confused, but as he looks at me he chooses not to say anything. Instead, he just takes my hand in his and begins walking through the parking lot.

  ***

  We pull up at the cemetery that Breyson once told me Beau was buried at. I've never actually been here before, but this is something I feel like I need to do. My sanity depends on it. I don't know if Breyson being taken from me is some kind of punishment for something I've done, but I have to at least try to make it right. My mom always said that we have to pay for our sins. Is this mine? I have dabbled in things this year that I've never done before so it would make sense, but surely my sins wouldn't be consequential by his death. I've only slept with one person and been drunk one time. Shouldn't that be more of a slap on the hand?

  "Why are we here, Kinzleigh? Should I be worried? You're not even from the area and Breyson hasn't had a memorial service as of yet. Who could you possibly know that is buried out here?" Placing my hand on the door, I look over at him. He's staring off into the rows of headstones.

  "It's fine. There is just something I need to do. Can you wait here? If you have questions I can answer them later." I don't even wait for his response before opening the door and stepping out, closing it behind me.

  I begin walking down the pathway slowly so I can read the names as I pass. I don't know where his headstone is located, so I will have to search for it. One by one I read the names that were chiseled into the limestone and marble. I finally come to the one I'm looking for.

  Beau Reeves

  July 10, 1992-March 8 2010

  You will never be forgotten

  I come to stand directly in front of it. I'm really not sure what to say, since I have never met him before. I have to have faith that he can hear me though. I need Breyson to come back to me. I need him like I need my lungs. The thought of carrying on in this life without him pains me. I feel like I'm internally bleeding and without us linked together it won't stop. I will mentally shut down without him; this I know. I tried to tell him this would happen; that I would never come out of this if he left me. If I have to survive without him I will forever be mentally impaired, useless to the human race. Loving someone that hard and then it being jerked from underneath you without so much as a warning is signing your own death wish.

  "Hey, Beau." Tears begin to build again. What a surprise. It seems sorrow has become my new constant mood. "I know you don't know me, but I needed to talk to you. Perhaps I should start by introducing myself. I'm Kinzleigh, Breyson's Kinzleigh. He was in an accident, Beau, a bad one. I have no idea where he is or if he's okay, but I refuse to believe he's dead." My tears are rolling off my cheeks and watering the grass below. I step closer to the headstone and fall to my knees.

  "I'm begging you to bring him home to me. There has to be something up there that you can do. I'll do anything. No one knows, but I'm pregnant. He's going to be a daddy and I can't raise this baby without a father. I'll give up cheerleading, school, even my own life if you'll just find a way to keep him alive. He's the best person I know and I feel like this is completely my fault. Will you please talk to God for me? He needs another chance at life. You didn't get that option and I'm sorry. I wish I could change the outcome and give you your life back as well. His family shouldn't have to go through this again. From what Breyson told me, they went through enough with you. I will not believe he's dead until I see his body lying lifeless before me. I have to have more proof than someone’s opinion. I need more time with him. I need to be able to tell him I love him one more time. If you'll just bring him back, I'll let him go to protect him. I know I have some kind of curse on me. Everyone I love gets hurt. I'll stay away from him, but please preserve his life, because I will never forgive myself if he dies. I promise to love him from afar and I don't break my promises."

  I cover my face in my hands and let it out. I scream loud, releasing all of my frustration into the atmosphere. This isn't fair. I tried not to love someone. I spent years avoiding it; taking all means necessary to steer away from it. One time I fall and this is what I get, fate laughing in my face, proving me to be weak? "Is this what you wanted? Huh? To see me broken and ruined? Well congratulations, you won! I need him. I need him more than I need to breathe. I feel like my air supply has been cut off anyway. If you're going to take him then take me too. Please, I'm begging you. Dying with him is easier than living without him."

  The salty tears run inside my lips, touching my tongue. I can't see due to the stream of moisture pouring from my eyes, but I feel like someone is here with me; then it's confirmed. "It doesn't get any easier just so you know." It's a voice I'm not familiar with. The air is cold, but I'm too numb to feel it. Wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie, I look beside me.

  It's a girl, standing, a few years older than me. She's beautiful, but tormented. I can see it in her gray eyes. She has caramel tinted hair, bronzed skin and petite like me. "Who are you?" She is completely out of check with reality; zoned out in front of her. What she says next I never saw coming.

  "Macie." This is that moment when even those who don't curse say, what the hell? I didn't even know Beau and I already feel protective over him. Is this not the girl that potentially was the cause of his death?

  "What are you doing here?" I'm not trying to be rude, but the hatred for cheaters always breaks the surface, whether I want it to or not.

  "By the tone in your voice I guess you must know who I am." She is still staring at the headstone in front of us with no personality in her voice. If I didn't know zombies were a figment of the imagination, I might believe they were real just by looking at her.

  "It seems you've made a name for yourself, so yes, I know who you are. You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?" She looks at me and automatically begins crying as if I've turned on some kind of switch for her emotions.

  "I would have thought the girl that tamed Breyson Abercrombie to be a little less judgmental than that; although, it's expected since I didn't make a case for myself. Didn't anyone ever teach you that things aren't always as they seem? Maybe you should tell yourself that next time you hear rumors flying." I'm a little stunned at the firecracker that just shot off from the girl I thought was emotionally absent.

  "What do you mean? Do you care to elaborate?" I need to keep her talking, because it's giving me a temporary break from the rain of tears that's been occurring for the past twenty-four hours. She walks past me and sits in the grass.

  I watch her as she scoots closer to the headstone and sits with her back against it. She begins conversing as if I’m not even here. "Hey Beau. I know it's been a while, but Talon has been keeping me busy. He looks just like you and he's starting to ask a lot of questions. He's still too young to understand, but I may bring him by. It's better than making something up. Mama keeps telling me I need to tell your parents about him, but I can't. I hope you understand my reasons. They all hate me. I can't have our son around people that hate me. Besides, I don’t even know where they are if I wanted to. You know I’m only in this hellhole of a city when I come to see you. I prefer to stay in my neck of the woods."

  I'm completely speechless as I listen to her talk to him. Her deep southern accent has me more intrigued than the usual person I come across. Did she just reference they have a son? I thought she cheated. "I'll always love you, Beau. If I had it to do over again I would've done it differently, but I guess I tell you that each time I come."

  She's crying and I actually feel guilty for assuming what everyone said was true. I can see how much she's hurting over this. It's so evident that it's clearly tarnishing her soul and overflowing through the only outward passageway: her eyes. Something isn't right. I'm never quick to judge someone, but I let my hatred for cheating get in the way of clear thinking. She looks at me with so much sorrow it hit
s me like a ton of bricks. "You want to know the real story now?"

  The girl really sounds like she needs to talk to someone. Walking around with that much heartache can't be healthy and didn’t Breyson say it has been like three years since Beau died? That’s a long time. She needs to let it out. It looks like it's eating away at her. "Yeah. I think I do."

  Sitting back on my butt, I pull my knees up to my chest and hold them there with my arms. She begins rubbing the grass where his head probably lies six foot below. "I didn't cheat on him. I would never cheat on him." Her voice is extremely low, barely above a whisper. Her eyes lock on mine, silently screaming for me to believe her and for some reason, I do. I can't explain it, but I completely believe her. It's then, that I know what she needs to move on; redemption.

  "What about the so called guy you were spotted with? Who was he?" That was clearly her breaking point. She is now hysterical.

  "He was my childhood best friend. We've never done anything and that I swear. Beau knew who he was and was okay with us being together because he knew we were nothing more than friends. He was like a brother to me. The problem was, the guy that spotted us only knew me and not Dane. He assumed that we were lovers. If Beau wouldn't have had that wreck he would have known as soon as he got to me that it was all a mistake. I haven't spoken to Dane since that night because of what happened. I not only lost the love of my life, but my best friend." I feel horrible for her. It takes her a minute to catch her breath enough for her to continue.

  "I didn't go to that party, because I was upset. I had just found out I was pregnant with Talon. It was my freshman year of college. Beau and I were partiers. We enjoyed the college life; it's why we became Greek. It was one stupid night when we both were wasted and he didn't use a condom. We were always so careful, because we wanted to enjoy college. We loved each other and wanted forever together, but we didn't want to start off our lives with kids. We had plans to finish college and see the world together, before even discussing any of that. I didn't take the morning after pill because I was on birth control. I didn't know that if you were taking antibiotics it counteracted with the birth control, so it failed. Everything was ruined all because of a sinus infection."

  This is the saddest thing I've ever heard. We are so much alike it's scary. She needs someone. Does she even have anyone? Does anyone know the truth or has she been the martyr to everyone’s harsh judgments? I go with my first reaction and move in closer to her. She has mascara smeared beneath her eyes. I take a seat beside her and grab her hand in mine. No one deserves to be alone in heartache; everyone should have someone they can cry to when they need a shoulder. Maybe we can be that for each other. A second passes and she lays her head on my shoulder. We cry together; me for Breyson and for the years of heartache she's gone through and her for Beau and maybe because she is finally able to tell someone the truth. "I would never cheat on him," she repeats for the second time. "He was the love of my life and still is. There has been no one since him. You have to believe me. I need someone to believe me."

  I can only say one thing as we sit here and cry together; the only thing she needs to hear from me. "I believe you." I don't know how long we sit here in silence and I don't care. Sometimes in life you don't need words. Sometimes you just need to sit in the presence of someone else and meditate; to know they care enough to sit with you, not expecting an explanation. It is said that actions speak louder than words and right now I'm giving that to her.

  She finally breaks the silence, but continues to lay her head on my shoulder. "You're pregnant aren't you?" She knows, but is only confirming so it isn't really a question.

  "How did you know? Did you hear me talking to Beau?" I really need to be more careful about blurting out that tidbit of information. I tend to not think when I'm distraught. That information is just something I'm not ready to reveal to the world yet. I already have enough people pitying me right now.

  "It takes one to know one. I didn't get here until the end so I missed it. I stay around, but in the shadows. I can't leave Beau; it's what keeps me here. We are from different towns, so I only come when I can. His parents left him and if I leave he has no one. I heard somewhere that a special girl caught the heart of Breyson. He’s kind of known all over. He’s just one of those guys. Every girl wants to meet the one girl that tames the untamable. He's broken a lot of hearts in the past. I wanted to meet you, but under different circumstances and didn't know if you had already been told about me.”

  She sighs and continues, “I'm sorry about Breyson. I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. It's a lonely life when someone special takes your heart with him when he goes. It makes it even harder when you have to stare into the eyes of the one you lost everyday and try not to break down. You better hope that baby looks like you to ease some of the pain. Talon looks just like Beau. Some days it takes every part of me and then some just to get out of bed and be his mother, because the pain consumes me." She lifts her head to look at me. "This kind of pain can't be smothered by drugs and alcohol. There is only one way to get rid of this kind of pain; a permanent ending."

  "Why don't you just tell everyone the truth? You don't deserve to be viewed the way people are viewing you. How will you ever move on with your life if you don't come clean? Don't you want Talon to know Beau's family?" She begins shaking her head.

  "I’ve never met Beau’s family. They made their decision to blame me on their own. It would only make Beau look bad. Then it would be that he was driving drunk without a cause. I can't do that to him. I would rather live my life knowing I'm viewed as a whore than for him to be up there shamed. All we have left when we go is our reputation; I won't ruin his. I will preserve it at all costs." She really is a living martyr.

  Now that everything is out in the open, one by one it hits me all over again: Breyson, our baby, cheerleading. My life is over. I was just starting to come to terms with having to sacrifice cheerleading, but I can't deal with sacrificing both him and cheerleading. "He can't be dead Macie; he just can't be. I never wanted to love someone. Everyone thought I was crazy for avoiding love, but now looking back maybe I was the smart one. Then again, I wouldn't trade a single day if it meant the outcome were still going to be the same. He rocked my world, changed it, and made it amazing. How do you go back to living an average life when you have had extraordinary?"

  "Honestly, you take one day at a time. Anything you've ever heard about healing or grieving, forget it. There is no magic words or concoction to make everything okay. Time doesn't heal all wounds. You'll be lucky if you can stitch up the gaping hole that remains where your heart once was. Eventually, you'll be left with scar tissue in its place. The only way I make it through the day is by telling myself that Talon needs me, because he already has to experience life without one parent; I can't make it two, even though it would be so much easier to just give up on this life so I could be with him again." For once someone actually understands how I feel.

  We continue to stare and cry with time standing still, until we are interrupted from Simon walking up. "Kinzleigh? I'm starting to worry. You've been out here for a while." He comes closer and looks at me and then at Macie. His jaw locks and he looks angry. "Macie. What are you doing here? I thought you would be long gone by now. You know...living your happily ever after." He looks back at me. "Kinzleigh, you don't want to be hanging around with people like her. You're better than that." My mouth is gaping. How can he be so heartless? I'm stunned. I would have never taken Simon for a complete asshole.

  "Simon! How can you say that? You don't even know what you're talking about." I'm absolutely disgusted. No one should be treated like a piece of trash.

  "It's okay, Kinzleigh. I should get going, anyway." She stands to leave and I pull on her hand.

  "Wait, Macie. Friends? How can I get in touch with you?" Simon scowls. Does he really have the audacity to look like that?

  She looks at Simon and back at me. "Sure, girl. I'll find you okay?" I nod and release her hand. I have a feeling it m
ay be a while and that breaks me down further.

  I watch her walk away; scared I'll never see her again. I silently vow that I will find her and help her; I don't know how yet, but I will find a way. She's dying for deliverance and that's what she is going to get. Everyone deserves to be freed from the guilt that resides in one’s soul. There is already so much pain and torment in the world as it is. There has to be a way for people like her to have a happily ever after, a second chance. It's always the selfless people that end up forever wallowing in misery willingly. Someone needs to be her saving grace.

  "You really don't know her, Kinzleigh. She isn't a good person." I look at Simon and really can't believe he is still going on about this.

  "I am appalled at how judgmental you are being. Do you even know for yourself or are you basing your opinions of her off of what everyone else has said?" He has a look of guilt written all over his face, but I can't be mad, because I did the same thing. "Words of the wise. Don't judge someone based on what you hear. I've had enough for one day. Will you take me home?"

  "Yeah, sure. I didn't mean to upset you, Kinzleigh. You know I care about you and just want to look out for you is all." I know Simon cares about me, because he's spent a lot of time proving it, but I will never feel that way about him or anyone else. I'm broken and unfixable, emotionally paralyzed. I'll never work right; like a toy that you throw away. I nod to get this conversation over with and begin walking to the car.